I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
