im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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