HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
