I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
4 words: hood of his car
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
soo... how was my night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
