i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
