Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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