i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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