So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
