My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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