between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
