How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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