ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
