I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
