If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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