Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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