Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
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i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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