I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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