She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
