I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
