I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
