I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
