Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
