So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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