Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
