did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
