I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
