i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
