k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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