i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
