I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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