Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
