if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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