I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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