thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize