I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
