3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
