and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
