too bad you live with your parents still
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
