But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
