i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
