I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It was confusing and full of hummus
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
