im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
