How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize