it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
