The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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