You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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