I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize