I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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