shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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