dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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