This is not my ceiling
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
