What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
