She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
