and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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