Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He shit in the fireplace
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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