Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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