Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
