it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i believe in u and ur pee
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize