I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
