I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
