There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
