I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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