3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
