Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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