FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
